(something nudged me back to you)

 

Dear WordPress,

I have missed you. I took a long time away from you, and figured that I would just keep journaling and call it quits on the whole blog endeavor. But increasingly over the last few months, I have felt compelled to use this canvas for my words and my thoughts once again. It has been about 11 months since I last posted, and so much has happened. I am sure that you are not where I left you, and I most certainly have been transformed in this time away.

(but something nudged me back to you)

How do I put this without sounding cliche? Life is not easy. Of course, life was far from easy when I started this blog, and it was still quite the challenging adventure when I left off back in July 2016. I have, in my time away, gone through several realms of pain and suffering and growth and decay. Some realms familiar, but many of them quite new.

(and something nudged me back to you)

This past May, I hit what I consider a landmark point in the past few years of near-constant warfare with my life. Landmarks pop up when I feel the colors and tones change. For example, when I was first hospitalized in Spring 2014 is a landmark point. And when I started my battle with chronic physical illness in Fall 2015 is a landmark point. This phase that I have been floundering in since early May is one that somehow finally drove me

(nudged me)

back to you.

I used to be afraid to come back on this blog, figuring that I had lost all credibility and value as a blogger after having taken such a long break. I worried that people would be uninterested, or that they would think me flaky. I thought about starting a new blog, and then I worried that I would not be able to post consistently to it. Then I worried still that if I did come back to this blog, I would not post consistently to it and would just be another one of those millions of blogger failures, a joke.

(but something nudged me back to you)

………………………………………..

 

Here I am. Fully me, fully yours, at least in this post (and in whatever posts may come).

There are a desperate few things that I feel certain about in my life right now, and this is one of them: only with writing can I survive.

I have been writing some in my journals, in class, in my free time. And now I am back writing here.

I need this.

We will see what fruit this bares, for me, and hopefully also for you.

 

What words, to be shared between us, does the future hold?

……………………………………………..

 

As always,

Tanya

 

 

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2 Responses to (something nudged me back to you)

  1. This blog, this space, this canvas, is yours. Do not let the opinion of others take that way from you. Write when and what you feel like writing. Post or don’t post. This is an expression of who you are. It is not a measure of your credibility or your success and you should never allow feelings of guilt to eat away at you for “not posting”.

    Life IS hard. The greatest accomplishment any of us can make in a day is to survive. We won our battle, no matter how big or small it may have seemed, and so tomorrow we get another chance to fight again.

    Do what makes you fulfilled. If posting doesn’t fit into that day at that particular time, that’s fine. Blogging is an outlet. It adds to your existence and experience, but it is not the end all be all. There is no shame in stepping back, taking a break, or being busy with other things, even if it’s simply having a quiet night away from the computer.

    Stay true to yourself and have no fear of what other people may think. The only other person inside your head is you, so the only opinion that truly matters is yours. As long as you’re ok with how you are spending your time and energy then there’s no reason to feel guilt, shame, or remorse.

    I am glad you are back. I’ve missed seeing your posts, but I want this space to be purely for you and so I felt the need to say my peace.

    Keep fighting the good fight and filling in your canvas. I’m cheering for you. : )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you! You always have great comments : ) And it is good to see that you are still active on here as well. I look forward to reading about what you have been up to.

    Liked by 1 person

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