Getting Used To Invisible Illness

Today had, like most days recently, a late/rough beginning. I pulled myself out of bed at around 10:30am. This was an accomplishment that I want to be sure to note. I got up to, however, just moments later lay down on the sofa with a blanket and fall back asleep. I felt I hardly had any other option. My limbs, really every part of my body, felt as though they had been injected with lead. I did not want to turn my head, I did not want to shuffle my feet down the hallway, I did not want to hold my eyes open. The fatigue of Fibromyalgia is no joke. I never, and I mean never, feel rested upon waking up.

I slept on the sofa until about 12:30. I then ate some breakfast, read part of the newspaper, and plopped right back down on the couch. I slept that time until 2:30.

I feel so upset that I sleep so often. I feel unproductive. Part of me wants to think I am lazy, but I fight that off. I am not lazy. I have illnesses and I am going through a difficult time. I think this time for me would be a bit easier, though, if people knew how my Fibromyalgia and my thyroid disorder make me feel. I want some part of my illnesses to be visible so that people will understand at least somewhat what I am going through. Why is it so hard for them to know that I feel as poorly as I do and am fighting as hard as I am? And of course, they are doing nothing wrong. Nobody has maliciously chosen to misunderstand my illnesses. Unfortunately, though, that fact doesn’t make things easier.

All this Fibromyalgia stuff makes my heart sick. It is really difficult. I don’t have the strength for everything that I have to go through. I thank God for giving me his undiminishing strength to move forward. It is becoming harder not to thank God for getting me through each new day.

I do not understand, as much as I would like, why God lets us people suffer in the ways that he does. But, and that’s not a big “but,” I trust in him! My Father cares for me, he has a plan for me, and he is the only firm foundation on which I can plant my feet. May I forever stand only in him.

May I forever stand only in him even when my body is weighed down with lead and aches and pains and I am overwhelmed.

May I forever stand in him.

May we forever stand in him. Yes, I have illnesses, but we humans all have something that threatens to tear us apart. And the only way we can stand, which I pray we remember, is if we stand in him.

 

As always,

Tanya

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