Basic Human Desires

I am a woman. I have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I am aware that this world is full of evil but also full of good. There are many human pleasures in life, most of which fall into the following categories: giving, receiving, food, brotherly love, and sex.

We as humans desire pleasure for all 5 senses- taste, smell, touch, sight, feel. Some argue that these desires are much more than desires– that they are, at times, needs. Why deprive yourself of pleasure and joy?

There are several arguments for and against the above point of view, and I fully intend to investigate them and form my own solid and confident stance. But right now, I just want to pour out the thoughts and feelings I am having, a diverse melting pot in my mind.

My moral side is very much in conflict with my emotional and physical sides. Why should I not enjoy sex and the like for the point of sheer pleasure, I ask myself? In the Bible, God says that sex is to be had between a man and woman who are fully committed to each other under God in marriage. Sex is sacred. I really want to question that though, and to ague with it. But why argue with God? Is He (and his word) not sovereign in my life? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m 21 going on 22 and I want to enjoy life’s pleasures at this point without holding back.

I have many friends from all different backgrounds and of all different beliefs. Just about all of them have dabbled (to say the least) in sexual activity. My close friend who is a devout Anglican got to second base (and maybe hird) many times with her ex. She  has masturbated for years. But she calls masturbating something she “struggles with.” She wants to stop it because it is not “Godly.” But it’s been a few years and she hasn’t stopped yet. I also have several friends who masturbate and have casual sex very regularly. It’s a kind of “I do it when I want, because it feels good” sorta thing. I even have a former coworker who, when asked if she masturbates, stared blankly at us and said “Well yeah! (duhh) I have needs!) I will note that these people are also into many things like drinking, smoking, and atheism. I don’t think they are the happiest of people.

What about my older sister? She’s never been drunk, never smoked, never questioned the morals our parents taught us. She is 24 years old and has never been kissed. She had a boyfriend once who put his arm around her and somewhat platonically cuddled with her, but that is it. I don’t know if she desires anything sexually that is not within a Christian marriage. But if she does, she hasn’t thought twice about waiting. She keeps her faith at the very top of her moral grounds. That is admirable. Am I a bad Christian? I worry that in questioning all of this, I am running from God in a way. But I’m human, and my desires and considerations are not unique.

More thoughts on this to come.


As always,


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2 Responses to Basic Human Desires

  1. This is a very interesting post and I can understand and respect your struggle as it is something I have also struggled with, though in slightly different ways.

    I have always been sexual, and while I was in my first relationship, which lasted for five years, sexuality was fine. We had a very healthy relationship. We explored what we wanted to. We talked about things afterwards. What did we like, or not like, about the experience? Sex wasn’t bad. Wanting to try things and explore wasn’t bad. He never made me feel unworthy, or slutty, or whorish just because I was curious or wanted something. We could cuddle and watch TV or play Magic the Gathering just as easily as having crazy awesome kinky sex. It was great.

    My other relationships haven’t been as open and accepting as my first one, and for a while it caused me to question myself, my wants, and my needs. In my later relationships things that had been accepted by my first boyfriend were suddenly bad, taboo, sick, twisted, or things that showed I was mentally unstable and needed to be put on medication.

    Talk about a complete 180. I became insecure in myself. I started internalizing their comments. The things I wanted really were bad. They made me a bad person and if I could just learn to not want sex it would be fine. The problem was within myself, at least they said it was, so if I changed it would be fixed, right?

    But that’s not true. There was never a problem with me, or the things I wanted. There still isn’t.

    Enjoying sex, and wanting pleasure, in my personal opinion, does not make you a bad person, or low, or less moral, or anything negative. It makes you a human with a brain and a nervous system. Having a physical body with physical needs makes you normal and healthy.

    I was actually talking to my therapist a bit about this very subject the other day and she mentioned that on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs sex is listed as a physiological need. Crazy right? Sex is on the same level of need as food, air, and shelter.

    Ultimately it’s up to you to figure out what sex means to you. Wanting sex is biologically what you’re supposed to do. It’s up to you to say if that goes against your code, or if it’s ok as long as you follow certain parameters.

    Your relationship with God or any other spiritual being that you want to have a relationship with is between you and them. It’s NOT between you, them, and society. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you feel fulfilled. Your actions DO NOT have to please others. They have to please you because you’re the one who has to live with you for the rest of forever. As long as you are ok with your choices, and at peace with what you do, then forget anyone else. That’s a lot easier said than done, I know, but your faith isn’t about living life the way other people think you should live it. It’s about living life the way YOU think you should live it.

    We all sin and do things “wrong” and make mistakes. That’s part of living. Being a truly compassionate and loving human means that you accept a person as they are, not as you think they should be. Having sex doesn’t suddenly turn you into a demon, and staying pure doesn’t make you an angle.

    So, with all of that said. No matter what you choose, whether you wait, or explore, or sit and mull things over longer because these are pretty heavy soul-searching questions, I want you to know that I accept you, all of you, 100% and that no matter what you’ll always be amazing in my book. : )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, as always, for your honest and helpful comments. “Having sex doesn’t suddenly turn you into a demon, and staying pure doesn’t make you an angel.” — I love that, need to keep it close at heart

    Liked by 1 person

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