Sand and Haze

Sitting here in Starbucks, I am really wanting to work on one of the more intellectuals essays I have drafted recently. But unfortunately, I just do not have the brain juice to do that right now. I continue to move through this mental haze that I have been stuck in for the last few days. I have been tired, depressed, disoriented, and just overwhelmed. The air feels like it did when I used to fall into those nasty, dangerous depressive episodes… Remember those? From a year or so ago?


Anyway, I really do not want to put anything on this blog anymore that is not edited and well thought-out, that is not thoughtful and that doesn’t focus on me. But here I am, and all I have the energy to write is something that will maybe bring me a little support. I feel isolated. I feel a bit stuck. I feel like I have been trying to be too strong for too long.


Yeah, I’m a warrior, but warriors get tired. Why do I seem to be exhausted my resources, even my emergency resources, so quickly?


I’m in a sinking sand of depression and I need help to get out now.


And I will get out. I will get out, hopefully sooner than later. I may suffer for a while, but I will get out. I will get out, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully sooner than… later.


As always, Tanya

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2 Responses to Sand and Haze

  1. Having been to hell and back during this past month I can completely empathize with you when you say, “warriors get tired too.”

    There is so much truth in that tiny statement. Everyone can fight, but only for so long. We all have to rest.

    Give yourself permission to do that. Find something, anything, that is purely for you.

    It could be sipping on a drink from Starbucks and people watching. Yoga. An adult coloring book. It could be doing “nothing”. Seriously, anything you think might give you a bit of recharge. Normally it’s something we feel guilty about at first because we “shouldn’t be taking time for ourselves when so much still has to get done.”

    Those “things” are still going to be there later. Fire and brimstone aren’t going to fall from the sky if our to-do lists don’t get 100% completed. They’re more like a wish list anyway, right? It would be nice to get all of that stuff done, but really, it would be so much nicer to feel like the day was worth it in the end.

    So why not take some time to smell the roses that are only around for a short time? Indulge. Live. We’re allowed to do that, and it’s those moments of indulgence that make fighting all those battles worth it.


  2. This is wonderful and wise and something I need to hear often. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

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