I’ve had a good handle on my mental health for a few months now, and my physical wellbeing is threatening to end that golden streak.
I saw another doctor today. The 8th doctor I’ve seen in the last 3 months. She can’t quite put her finger on what is going on in my body but she thinks it may be multiple sclerosis or fibromyalgia.
If you are not familiar, both fibromyalgia and multiple sclerosis are chronic conditions. They present very similarily but are different in the long run. MS is degenerative, fibro is not. That is among one of the big differences between them.
At this point, whatever I have, I am fairly convinced that it is a chronic condition. One that may take years to diagnose correctly. One that people around me cannot see.
I do not know why God is allowing me to go through so much. I am only twentyone years old. Aren’t I a little too full of life to be diagnosed with depression, anxiety, hypothyroidism (autoimmune) and now be dealing with this new mystery illness?
It wears me down. I am a warrior. If I were going to give up, I would have done so a long time ago. I will fight on with all my might. But even warriors get tired and worn down. Even warriors question their cause, if only for a moment.
How can I keep my chin up? I’ve been doing so well with it thus far, but how can I KEEP it that way? How can I hold tight when everything feels so confusing, scary, isolating, and surreal at times?
Well until I get more sufficient answers, I guess I am going to go do yoga in my room and pray that I can cry. Yes, really, I need to pray that I am able to cry. I have so much to let out emotionally but my body just doesn’t want to make those precious salty tears.
Sigh. Well, thank you for reading and walking through this with me. It may be a little pathetic, but since I have so little physical community right now while I am away from school, my wordpress community has been one of the things getting me through these days.
Wait– peace and love, too,