I Am A Ghost

I am a ghost.

I wander through the hallways

Of my home,

Trying to keep

My eyes open long enough

To soak up the essence I remember;

The curry stains,

The sound of musicians practicing,

The photos of me

Just a few months before

When I was brimming with life.

.

When I am awake

I am fully aware

Of my limitations.

But when I am asleep

My dreams hold no evidence

Of my impaired, ethereal state;

For I dream

Of adventures,

Of going to classes,

Of visits with friends

That last for more

Than two hours.

.

I think that my family and friends,

That they still see me.

Though I am faded,

I am not invisible.

I still talk with them

And eat with them

But I have become more

Of a wallflower

Because they have exhausted themselves

Trying to understand me

And this alternate state

In which I am suspended.

.

I am a ghost

And I watch the clock,

As its arms move with heaviness,

Day after day after day

Waiting until I can fall asleep,

Again,

And dream of a full and blooming life.

.


This poem is not a reflection on my current mental state but rather a reflection on my current physical state. For those of you who do not know, I have been battling a progressive but undiagnosed illness the last few months. I am wearing down, living day after day with such extensive physical limitations. I feel like a ghost.

Peace,

Tanya

 

 

 

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7 Responses to I Am A Ghost

  1. bkmoore says:

    Tanya, my son also had an undiagnosed illness that progressively robbed him of his physical wellbeing and will to live. My heart hurts for you. Your words are as tangible to me as if you were sitting right here with you. May the Holy Spirit infuse you with abundant life that surpasses the limits of your physical circumstances.

    Like

  2. That is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you for your encouragement and your Christ-like love.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bkmoore says:

    You are welcome!

    Like

  4. Geo Sans says:

    although not the same
    ~
    I’ve had heel and achilles tendon surgery
    over a week ago
    I float on pain killers, my racing thoughts …
    thankfully, the doctor gave me sleeping pills
    and I could finally
    drift
    a deep, long sleep
    ~
    I’m starting to feel alive again …

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hearing relatable stories makes fighting easier

    Like

  6. mitchteemley says:

    Tanya, so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’ll read more to learn more about your situation and, of course, pray accordingly.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you so much, Mitch. I really appreciate that. P.S. I have been enjoying reading your blog!

    Like

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