Dear WordPress friends,
The encouragement that you gave me Friday and Saturday was exactly what I was looking for and needing. It really meant a lot. It felt good to be heard and cared for during a difficult time, even by “strangers”. I won’t keep you waiting, now: no, I did not overdose on medication or make myself throw up.
A rather funny (depending on how you look at it) thing happened.
I posted my last posts on Friday night and then proceeded to collapse into bed and fall asleep, aware that my stomach was hurting just a tad. A few hours later I woke up to the first of a few stomach bug episodes that night. (The vomiting came of its own accord…need I say more?) At around 4am I emailed my professor/boss to explain that I would not be in on Saturday because I was sick….
Wow. Blessing and a curse, eh? I was so desperate after the stress of the past two weeks that I was considering making myself ill intentionally. (I was also looking at Amtrak tickets and considering dropping everything and journeying to NYC alone and without a plan this weekend.) So, clearly, my thinking was NOT healthy. If I had not suddenly come down with a stomach bug, there is a possibility that I would have done both of those things. And whether or not that is true, I know I would not be in the better mental state that I am in now.
Stomach bugs are awful, don’t get me wrong. I hate being bedridden and so weak that just writing a blogpost or showering feels like a chore. But that is exactly what i needed. I needed to spend the weekend resting, I needed to be gentle with myself, I needed to sleep, I needed to know that my world would not collapse if I missed one weekend’s commitments.
You can call me naive, but I think that my getting this stomach bug at this time in this way was a miracle. I’m serious. It pulled me into further dependance on Christ’s sovereignty in my life (and like mentioned before, forced me to rest). Wow. I am so grateful.
I am so so so grateful.
I am grateful to you, WordPress friends, for being so encouraging and blessing to me.
I am grateful to my loving and generous family and friends.
I am grateful to my God.
I am feeling better because the stomach bug was just a 24 hour fling. I will still, however, have to address the feelings that arose Friday so that I can handle things more appropriately next time.