As I anxiously prepare my descent back into full-time student-dom, I want to share two slightly humorous yet extremely valuable instruments I plan on equipping myself with:
1. Henna Paste
2. Barber scissors
I must admit, without explanation this short list seems very laughable. But explanation does follow, and so does all seriousness.
In past times of instability (emotional, mental, spiritual), I have felt rebellious and experimental. I got drunk several times, tried marijuana, had my nose pierced, cut myself… I toyed with the ideas of tattooing myself, getting dreads, running away, making out with almost-strangers, dropping my Christian faith cold turkey… Rebellion seemed extremely desirable.
Unfortunately, when I did rebel, results typically included depression, identitiy crisis, anxiety, and shame (to name a few).
My methods were not working. They could not fulfill my desire to “rebel” and keep me healthy at the same time. So, as I prepare to end this long period of medical leave/ winter break, I am proactively changing my methods.
Back to my little list:
Why henna paste? Because I can tattoo whatever I want wherever I want, whenever I want. I could even write “Fuck the world” across my ribcage, and it would be okay because it would eventually wear off (and, of course, because on my ribcage, nobody would have to see that I am cursing them out explicitly). The results of a rash decision with henna paste will never be permanent.
Why barber scissors? Because hair always grows back. Always. I have cut my own hair before, and I’m not afraid to do it again. If a raging need to rebel creeps into my soul, I can cut myself bangs, I can cut myself a pixie do, I can cut myself grotesque and uneven layers, I can cut myself a bob… who really cares if it looks silly? If I have the confidence, I can pull it off. And hair ALWAYS grows back.
I am giving myself freedom without entertaining the dangers of long-lasting regret,
And it feels wonderful