Loving Me

Before delving into my feelings, I want to first say: I hope that I don’t sound like I am complaining often. I am working SO HARD at getting better and being the best me I can be, etc. That said, when my (negative) emotions come tumbling in I will write about them here.

If you saw my post earlier today, you know that I am discouraged. Really discouraged. However, I am now somewhat less discouraged than when I wrote earlier today because of something really cool that happened: I got together with a friend that I met in outpatient (who just graduated from the program yesterday)!

I told her about what I was struggling with, and she made me smile even when I didn’t want to. The unexpected relief and joy I experienced from that (though still struggling with discouragement) made a lightbulb go off in my head. I remembered, in the middle of mental turmoil and distress, that there is MUCH to be happy about. It sounds cliche, but humans lose sight of the positive way too easily.

I often struggle with focusing on the positive, especially when it concerns my actions. I AM EXCRUCIATINGLY HARD ON MYSELF. Yes, that did deserve CAPS because it is very very very true. If the ways that I beat myself up mentally were visible physically, I would look like I had five abusive boyfriends. We know too well how to be our own best enemies, don’t we? If I don’t meet my daily goal, I get really mad at myself. If I can’t get out of my head, I get really mad at myself. If I forget to do something I need to do, I get really mad at myself. If I don’t act “perfect” (whatever that really means) in any situation I get really mad at myself… If I get mad at myself for being mad at myself, then I get even more mad at myself… It’s a giant cycle. Oh the cycles. Cycle, cycle cycle. Wheeeeeeeeeeee. Riding over and over again. Poop.

I was talking to a teacher today and I said “I don’t have much hope…. I just feel stuck.”

I do. I feel stuck with myself. I am annoyed with myself AND I acknowledge how WONDERFUL I AM! I just want to take a moment and share why I’m proud of myself. Today has not been easy, and it is reasonable that I am unhappy with that. However yay to me for not having cutting urges, not writing suicide notes even though I thought about it, not letting bad feelings lead to bad actions.

Yay me!


I don’t have to be perfect to be excellent.

I don’t have to be perfect to be excellent.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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3 Responses to Loving Me

  1. Love this! It’s so true. ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ means Jesus wants us to love ourselves too.


  2. Reblogged this on Following Your Feet and commented:
    This is an excellent read. So true. We truly are to love ourselves.


  3. Geo Sans says:

    this morning
    admiring my 5 year old daughter’s
    imperfect teeth
    breathing out
    small moments of gratitude
    she’s so beautiful


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